The Emotional Challenges of Moving Abroad
Feeling lost, lonely or just a bit “stuck”? Whether you’ve lived somewhere for 5 weeks or 5 years, the emotional challenges of moving abroad can rear their ugly head at any moment. Here, I highlight some of the biggest emotional challenges of being an expat and my key tips for how to deal with them. As a licensed therapist and long-term expat, these are actionable things that I have found to be helpful.
Why We Love the Comfort Zone
We inevitably move abroad for adventure – whether for a new job, new love or a fresh start, we’re seeking out the new and exciting. However, exciting can also be scary. Our brains crave familiarity and fear change. So, when we leave our comfort zone, it can give rise to lots of unexpected emotions – fear, low self-esteem and confidence, guilt. Basically, a bit of a vibe kill when you’re trying to start your new life!
What are the Emotional Challenges of Moving Abroad?
Whenever we do anything in life, there is an opportunity cost associated with it. Moving abroad is no different. We might choose excitement, adventure and novelty but, in the process, may sacrifice time with family and friends and stability. From conducting research with expats all over the world, here are some of the common emotions that came up.
Guilt
This was a big one. Moving away from our family and friends means missing weddings, birthdays and funerals. It means feeling disconnected from key milestones and losing precious time with the ones we love.
It’s not feasible to fly back for every event, but it is possible to make time for people you love – even from a distance. Scheduling regular video calls and sending photos and updates with friends and family can bridge the gap and maintain emotional closeness.
Also, remind yourself why you moved in the first place. If you’re able to remain grateful for your current life, your new city and your decision, you can stay appreciative even if you feel guilty about what you’re missing at home. These things can co-exist.
Finding Your People
Let me set the scene. You move abroad to meet new people and make meaningful connections.
Yet, you go to expat event after expat event, have the same conversations over again and find that the only thing you have in common with these people is that you both live in the same place. The meaningful connections you dreamed of seem like an unobtainable goal.
Then, when you’re alone you get FOMO for friends and family at home and start doubting your decisions. So, you say yes to every plan that comes up – because, hey, you can sit on your sofa in your home city. And…cue burnout.
My advice for balancing isolation and social burnout? Find your hobby, find your people. The shared title of “expat” doesn’t guarantee an automatic connection. Instead, reconnect with your values and your interests. Once you start going to events that interest you – pottery, HIIT classes, movie clubs – you will find like-minded people.
And, don’t be afraid to be alone! This is your time to get to know yourself away from your hometown. Romanticise time in a new place, heading to cute coffee shops for a solo date or reading a book in an atmospheric bar. Therapy can help you reestablish who you are and your values and interests, so that you can start building a life that aligns with your personality.
Confidence, Self-Esteem & Emotional Resilience
Moving abroad can open you up to certain setbacks that can knock you for six. If you’re not emotionally resilient enough, these setbacks can have you on the first plane journey home.
Putting yourself out there is not about being naturally extroverted or brave. It’s about having the confidence to say “I deserve to give this a good shot”.
It can be tiring to constantly put yourself out there, but working to build your self-esteem and confidence can make all your interactions easier. Attending therapy can help you identify the limiting beliefs holding you back and teach you how to overcome them.
Romantic Relationships
Dating in the modern age is a minefield. Now try doing it in a country that’s not your home country with people from distinct cultural backgrounds. Sound like fun?
Trying to navigate romance in a foreign country can lead to many unexpected emotional challenges. From little things like who is expected to pick up the bill on a first date to more complex issues down the line, different cultures have different approaches to love.
If you’ve moved abroad for love – or met someone and stayed for them – it can create an imbalance. You may feel like you’ve always sacrificed something for the other. Unless this is acknowledged and talked about in a safe space, this can build resentment and negatively impact the relationship in the long run.
You Are Not Alone
The overriding thing that I realised when doing interviews on this topic, was how parallel the expat experience was. I spoke to people who moved for work, for love or just because; from Spain to the Caribbean; who had been abroad for 10 weeks or nearly a decade. It was a comfort to know that whatever the situation, the issues were more or less the same. As someone who felt so alone when I first moved abroad, it was reassuring to hear this. And yet it also highlighted a wider problem – we don’t talk about it! Think how much better it would be if we spoke about these issues and sought support from others!
How Therapy Can Help
I am a huge advocate of therapy – not only as a licensed therapist but as someone who has had therapy during big transitions throughout my life.
If you’re worried about having to be in therapy for the rest of your life, don’t be. I believe that even a few sessions can make a world of difference.
These are just some of the ways therapy can help with the emotional challenges of moving abroad:
- Identify emotional blocks or limiting beliefs holding you back
- Teach you coping strategies for loneliness and anxiety
- Build confidence and self-esteem
- Address and find solutions for relationship issues
- Overcome guilt
- Deal with the identity loss feeling of moving abroad
- Reconnect you with your authentic self
Lara Listens Therapy for Expats
I am a licensed therapist and expat of nearly a decade. Having dealt with all the above issues and more during my time abroad, I’ve also helped others who are suffering. My online therapy for expats is available in English wherever you are in the world. Want to talk to someone who gets it? Book a free introductory call and come and see if I’m a good fit to help you.